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Are your friends crippling you or pushing you towards healing?
For this article, cripple doesn’t only refer to the physical disability but also to the psychological or emotional disability that is preventing a person from living a full and normal life.
Some people are born lame while others get crippled after some unfortunate events that they have experienced or are currently experiencing. Regardless of what transpired, the common feature is that the person is crippled.
In the Bible there are two scenarios depicting the same. John 5:1–10 and Acts 3:1–10. The story in John, the man had been lame for 38 years but we aren’t told what led to his lameness. In the Acts story, the man had been born crippled. These two stories are key in driving my point home, so keep them in mind a little longer.
Everything else was good with these men except their legs. They “shut out” everything just because one thing didn’t work out for them and they got stuck. And so are some of us. Just because one thing ain’t working, we shut out everything else- connection, relationships and opportunities. And we even begin to talk only with other lame people because that has become our “normal.” And we throw a pity party. And build crazy systems around that lameness which only serves to ensure that we remain stuck!
It’s funny how just one “wrong” thing affects everything in our lives.
The lame man was dropped off in front of the temple gate, everyday. While we always talk and focus on the lame man, Peter and John, we don’t often talk about the men that dropped this man at the gate every day. I like to call these men, “crippling friends.”
Crippling friends are friends who want to keep you crippled, damaged and broken. Friends who don’t want you to get better, do better and get healed and whole.
These men became collaborators to a sick system to somebody who was stuck. They probably didn’t want him healed because they were benefiting from his begging cup everyday. They didn’t want him whole because it would affect their pockets. They had become the beneficiaries of his brokenness and his lameness.
And this sick system went on for 38 good years!!
Friends who benefit from your lameness, toxicity and brokenness don’t want you healed, whole and restored. They will keep you stuck for years.
Question is,
“Who is in your inner circle? Who carries you? Where do they carry you to?
Unfortunately for these friends, once you get healed, they will be the first ones to desert you and criticize you because you are no longer of any benefit and use to them. They’ll even say you’ve changed. People love to keep you where they met you. When you change, they get angry.
Many of us have been “dropped” by life and circumstances. And we got injured emotionally and became crippled. And we got stuck and comfortable around it. It became our new normal.
Whenever you’re stuck, check your environment. Check who is around you and check what you’re hearing and make sure that nobody or nothing is benefiting from your being stuck.
Whenever you’re stuck, there will always be Peter’s and John’s who are always trying to keep you up and out of your lameness and call into your purpose and calling. But also, there will always be these guys who want you to stay stuck and not step into what God has called you to.
Whatever it is that made you lame and got you stuck, you were not meant to stay there forever. God is a God of movement. He created you for so much more. God came that you may not just have life but have it in abundance, no matter where you are and what’s going on.
Contrast these crippling friends with those in Mark 2:3–5. These friends couldn’t stand seeing their friend lame and suffering. When they heard that Jesus was in town, they did whatever it took to get their friend to Jesus for healing, including going over through the roof!
Those are the kind of friends I need in my life. The kind that pull me out of my self-pity party, who aren’t afraid to tell me the truth to make me a better person, those who call me out of my toxicity and those who get me to my healing when I am unable to do so on my own.
People who genuinely care about you will not be threatened by your growth, healing and wholeness. They will gladly lend you a helping hand in your efforts to heal, recollect and pick yourself up. They’ll even open their houses for you to hide and recover and they’ll never tell the world about it. They’ll defend you even when you’re away.
The devil hates and fights deliverance. He doesn’t mind you praying in tongues, fasting, as long as you don’t get delivered. He doesn’t mind keeping you lame even for 38 years!!
But thank God for Jesus. God is gracious. Even after 38years, one day, the man arose. You can have the hope of one day, even after being stuck, after being broken, lame and crippled!
Evaluate your friendships; are they crippling you or empowering you? Are they making you whole and encouraging you to healing and purpose or are they benefiting from your lameness and brokenness?
